When The Time Comes

One of my dearest friends told me she has created an outline for her memorial, if her husband wants to have one for her (it’s just the two of them). Not elaborate, it’s a couple of special songs, readings of a few favorite passages (on love, gratitude, friendship, etc.) and notations on who to ask to do the readings. She was inspired to do this after Nancy Reagan’s service when it was disclosed that Nancy had planned it all out so her grown children wouldn’t have that burden. My friend’s husband recently began working on his memorial as well. She told me they are not “gloom & doom” –just see it as uplifting and helping each other when the time comes. They will celebrate their 40th anniversary later this year.

Before my daughter Cassie (a recovering alcoholic) died she made me promise I would play Kitaro’s Song for Peace at her funeral. She loved this music and told me the first part was full of turmoil but by the end the turmoil resolves into peace. “I believe when I die the turmoil of my life will be over and I will finally find peace,” she said. As promised, her chosen music rang out victoriously over the sound of waves as they hit the shore as our family committed her ashes to the ocean just before sunset three years ago on a cold September day.

In retirement I am gently reminded of the inevitable. I’m not as strong as I used to be –or as fast! My short-term memory lapses are a little more frequent so I’m learning to follow through sooner than later because sometimes later is a question mark. Tiring more easily, I use the inescapable down time to read a book club selection. Unalarmed, I accept all this as simply a natural path of my time on earth. For me acceptance is not mere resignation; it’s a lovely, ongoing opportunity to be creative as I reinvent and restructure my life. I pursue goals that are reachable, that bring satisfaction. And, when the time comes, I hope to leave this earth a slightly better place because of my journey here.

Today I am 65 years old... I appreciate and enjoy my age. A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it. You still bring to bear all your prior experience, but you are riding on another level. It's completely liberating. ~Nikki Giovanni, Grammy-nominated American poet, activist and author.